Okay, so this has zero to do with fashion and is completely a post about pregnancy. Really, it's a venting station for some uneasiness I have been feeling since my last doctor's appointment. I guess I have been feeling for some time that my doctor and I are just not connecting on any level. I thought that once I got to my third trimester and started the more regular visits, things would get better. But here I am, at almost 39 weeks, and wondering if we made the right decision going with an OBGYN rather than a general practitioner or midwife. Of course, when we started this whole pregnancy journey, we knew NOTHING about being pregnant, what our birth preferences would be, or what this process would entail. We just knew that I had some issues that *might* have put me into a higher risk category for the first trimester, so we thought an OBGYN might be the best option. As it turns out, we have had a great, low maintenance pregnancy, so the need for a specialist really wasn't there. Still, one would think it wouldn't hurt to have someone who specializes in babies and reproductive organs deliver our baby. But it definitely hasn't been the experience I thought it would be. My OB has never actually calls me by name at any of my appointments. To be fair, my name IS unique, but she never even tries and just calls me "kiddo" instead. She asks me very few, if any, questions and doesn't seem to review the information I give to the nurses before she arrives.
Once, I had taken antibiotics that were prescribed to me by my general doctor due to a bad sinus infection. Not only did she not ask me how I was feeling (super crappy) or if I was keeping hydrated, I had to remind her that I was on antibiotics and ask about my iron supplement for anemia. Evidently, it interferes with the absorption of antibiotics and I had to ask about mixing them, but she didn't even seem to realize I was anemic let alone thought about the mixing of the medications. Another time, she was out of town and I went almost three weeks (at 33-36 weeks) without an appointment. I ended up having to get checked out by a nurse practitioner at 35 weeks because I felt something wasn't right. Sure enough, I had a UTI and had started dilating early. (Aside: Too bad I'm not making any more progress at 38 weeks!) At my 36 week appointment, my OB acted surprised when I mentioned coming in and having a UTI, which meant she (again) obviously hadn't taken the time to review my chart.
Although I usually feel a bit intimidated by her, I got up the courage at my 37 week appointment to discuss my birth plan and my feelings regarding medical induction, especially because the baby was measuring a few days ahead of schedule, and she said they don't like to have "big babies" go over their due date. I really REALLY don't want to be medically induced and would like to at least attempt to be able to have a natural birth. I actually stood up for myself and said several times that I wanted to avoid the medical induction if at all possible. She said she understood and we would cross that bridge if I made it to my due date and the little guy was still in there.
Sooooo, my 38 week appointment rolled around (and the baby was no longer measuring big). She told me that she would be out of town for my 39 week appointment so we would just skip my next appointment and she would see me the 27th. I told her that the 27th would be my due date, and she looked at my chart and said, well I guess it is! She said we should discuss induction, then, since I was far enough along, and she asked how I felt about being induced at 39 weeks. Seriously? After I just told you last week that I really didn't want to be induced at all? I DEFINITELY didn't want to be medically induced earlier than my due date to make it convenient for her vacation! I know this lady is highly regarded and has great patient reviews overall, but I just feel like another number to her. She doesn't know my name, she always thinks I'm having a girl (when I say every appointment we are having a boy!), and she obviously doesn't understand my birth plan. At first, when she sprung on me at my 38 week appointment that she was planning to be out of town the week before my due date, I started panicking. But then I started thinking WHY do I even care? I'm just another number to her, and the only person I really need to be there with me is my awesome hubby. I understand that I have been blessed with a low maintenance pregnancy and the fact that she doesn't have to spend much time with me is a good thing, but I expected to have a little better relationship after going for 8 months. It's too late now, and it sounds like she might not be my OB for the birth anyways, but I know that we will do things differently next time around!
And that ends the rant against my doctor, LOL.
She can't induce your labor without your consent, so stick to your guns. Is she the only doctor in the practice or is there another one you can see at 39 weeks? Most doctors would not skip an appt that late in pregnancy, you would at the very least see a nurse or other doctor. My doctor had me see the other doctors in her practice so that we would at least have met before delivery. One of them was on call for my daughter's birth, only my daughter just kind of popped out while the doctor was on the way (water broke = hello head!). I loved my OB and her NP, and really felt that connection that you are missing with yours. Hopefully you will only see her for a couple more appts, the end of your labor (with the L&D nurses taking care of the rest) and your 6 week PP check-up, and then you can take the time between pregnancies to find another OB you do have a connection with.
ReplyDeleteI was wondering if it was weird that she was skipping another appointment late in pregnancy...I figure I will monitor my blood pressure by going into Walmart and keep an eye on my weight, etc., but yeah, it didn't seem right to me either. I probably should have asked about seeing another doctor, but I didn't think about it.
DeleteI'm definitely not even thinking about inducing unless it is absolutely medically necessary. It just sucks to be at odds and feel so disconnected. Hopefully, I will find a doctor next time around that works for me!
I feel your frustration. Wouldn't it be great if all doctors were fully engaged in their patients care? I really hope when the little guy decides to show up you have a wonderful and caring team there for you.
ReplyDeleteI broke up with my first OB/GYN even before I got pregnant because I felt that she wasn't listening to me at all. After some recommendations from friends, I started seeing an OB/GYN who is great and has an amazing staff also.
ReplyDeleteGood luck to you!
Oh my. I could have written that post myself. I went to an OB instead of a GP because my sister recommended one and he was considered one of the best. It was so impersonal and the appointments rarely lasted more than a few minutes. I went in with a list of questions one time and he whipped out of the room while answering the first. I cried when I left but felt it was too late to change.
ReplyDeleteNow the good part. We all focus on the labor and delivery because it is a great unknown but it is a day or in most cases much less. The nurses will be fabulous regardless of whether your OB makes it or not. The most important aspect of the process is the baby and the importance of his care. Find a doctor you trust and connect with for the care of your child and all will be well.
Take care and don't let one overworked doctor take away from the experience.
I hear ya - I'm in Toronto and I ended up with a high risk. I had a mid-wife who transferred me to an OB and the difference was night and day (although I really liked my OB as far as OBs go). With an OB you have to whittle your birth plan down to a few key things. Mine were 1) try for natural but with an induction I wasn't up to it 2) immediate skin to skin (but that is standard at my hospital) 3) delayed cord clamping. Luckily my midwife was there and she took over after the delivery, gave us a tour of the placenta, helped me nurse of course. Birth is a beautiful thing, and as long as you can avoid the "cascade of interventions" you're all good!
ReplyDeleteUgh! I hate that you are going through this...the good news is that your Dr. will only be there for the final part of delivery. Its the nurses that make your hospital stay so wonderful.
ReplyDeleteI hardly ever comment, but:
ReplyDeleteThis is the wrong doctor for you. Once this birth is over, you should look for another one. Calling you "kiddo," inducing to work around her schedule, and generally not communicating with you...these are all bad things, and trust me when I tell you that if you ever DO have a rough pregnancy, having a great doctor can make all the difference.
There ARE great doctors out there, and there's no reason you shouldn't be working with one of them.
Try to keep your eye on the prize. :) I have had 3 kids, the first experience was a nightmare and I changed doctors for 2&3 and it was much better.
ReplyDeleteMy first dr. wanted a c-section after 3 hours of pushing wasn't going anywhere and I refused. They ended up using forceps and he was 8'15 and that was a mess too, but for me I did not want a section and stuck to my guns during labor and noone was changing my mind unless life threatening(and it wasn't). That "baby" is almost 16 now.
I do think it's very weird. You might call the office in the morning and see if you can be seen by a nurse or other doc. They really need to keep a close eye on you at this point. Are they checking for dilation? I think mine check every appt after 36 or 37 weeks. And I want to say I went in twice a week starting at 39 (I was 3 days late with my daughter).
ReplyDeleteHello! You have good reason to rant, my dear. I work in the breastfeeding and birth fields. So I hear a lot of stories like yours-sad to say. There is an epidemic of induction for little medical reason, so much so, that my state has made it illegal to induce before 38 weeks except for clear and documented medical concerns. My best advice to you at his point(which I know you did not ask for!)is to take a doula who is well acquainted with your birth plan with you to the hospital. Women who do that have happier outcomes, by their accounts. It is *not* too late to change providers, even to a midwife. A friend of mine changed last minute for reasons very like yours. You are the consumer. Wishing and praying for the best outcome for you. Blessings.
ReplyDeleteno! no! no! Take control of this!
ReplyDeleteMy, very-last-minute 2cents of advice is to use the hospital OB. Do a tour - they will do them on a whim -- feel it out, and forget your OB. Our baby came so quickly I almost had to use the hospital OB (I switched docs at 32 weeks b/c my OB was a moron and I was NOT comfortable). You can also call local midwives and ask them to deliver. In terms of insurance, you might have to check that out but hospital OB is always covered.
Continue going to your docs, see someone else for prenatal visits and plan to go into labor naturally. Go to the hospital and tell them you'll use who ever is on call. It seems better than the alternative.
besides, the nurses do everything -- the docs sort of show up and catch the baby.
Switching docs is not helpful since you cannot guarantee s/he will show up for the birth. I really think random hospital OB is the way to go.
One more thought -- you can call some doulas and see if someone is available. That was the best few hundred dollars we spent. I had an incredibly fast delivery but still, the doula saved me!
ReplyDeletePPS - labor was way easier than I thought and the human body is amazing.
We may call around to some doulas...I'm undecided.
DeleteThis is more common than you'd think. My suggestion is to GET A DOULA. That's your best bet for getting the birth experience you want. Also, just FYI, I switched doctors at 30 weeks because I was also uncomfortable with my doctor. Best decision I could have made! I got my natural birth with a much better doctor and a really great doula.
ReplyDeleteI had the SAME issue you did with my OBGYN. She was miserably terrible. I had massive stomach problems in my first trimester, my OB kept telling it to ignore it, it's only because I'm pregnant. It got so intense that I too went to my family physician who found out I had a BLEEDING ULCER in my stomach and was dangerously anemic. I was beyond pissed off -- I had complained for 11 weeks!! She also would always call our baby girl a baby boy and would forget my name every single time I went it. What is WRONG with these OBs???
ReplyDeleteI had promised myself that at my next appointment (28 weeks) I would take charge and speak up, but then my sweet little peanut decided to come early at exactly 28 weeks. She came out and still is completely healthy (THANKFULLY!!!) but my OBGYN all of a sudden knew my name because of how crazy my situation was. I just kept thinking -- really, THIS is what it takes for you to know who I am. How rude!!!
You just do what you feel is right for you and your family. Say what's on your mind and don't let anyone take this experience away from you!! We can all tell from your blog that you are a strong woman -- you show them who's boss!!! Sounds like you already are though!! Get it girl!!!
Oh, man, good to hear your little one is okay! Did her early appearance have anything to do with your ulcer? How awful to put up with a bleeding ulcer for months on end!
DeleteIt was so frustrating, but there is literally no reason why she came early -- they ran a million different tests on my placenta (TMI, sorry) and everything came back completely normal. Our NICU Dr. jokes that she just thought she was a full term baby since she came out healthy!! We are just sooo thankful!!!
DeleteAre you sure she didn't want you to schedule your next appointment with another doctor? I am kind of shocked that she would have you miss an appointment this close to the end. Granted, I had a high risk pregnancy so I am a bit paranoid but you shouldn't have to moniter your bp at walmart!!!
ReplyDeleteI know, I was surprised, too. She did say I should feel free to call a nurse at her office if I had any issues while she was gone, but it still feels wrong. I think it could be dangerous for a woman who is not educated on pre eclampsia issues. Luckily, I know enough to keep watch of my weight, BP, and fetal movements at this point, but she didn't even tell me to do that or explain things to watch out for!
DeleteWow. When I was pregnant, I literally ended up seeing every kind of practitioner out there...from home birth midwife to CNM to OB to a fetal and maternal medicine specialist. All the midwifes had wonderful people skills...really made me feel like they listened to me and cared about me. The OB's were all rushed and people skills were not a priority. I would recommend a CMN if you have any more babies. And actually, my least favorite OB of all ended up being wonderful at the hospital.
DeleteBut your doctor seems beyond bad bedside manners. I think it is crazy that she doesn't want to see you and did not even tell you the warning signs of pre-e. My situation was different, of course -- I had an NST every three days for the last eight weeks of my pregnancy -- but it still shocks me. Especially because most OBs practice defensive medicine so they don't get sued. I'm sure you will be fine, but still!
Just think, though, within a few weeks you will be holding your sweet little boy in your arms. That will do a pretty good job of wiping all the crappy pregnancy stuff from your brain.
That blows! I feel like I have the same experience nearly every single time I go to the doctor. It's a shame and always leaves me infuriated. I can't imagine that feeling on top of preparing for your first baby. Hang in there and I'll be thinking of you. Hope it's an amazing experience for you regardless of who's there!
ReplyDeleteWell, you are so right about feeling like you should have a better relationship with the physician who was attending to you during your first pregnancy. I would not go back to this person after the baby is born. Me personally, I definitely would not let them induce me into labor, that sounds all kinds of wrong to me!! I'd go to the hospital when the baby is ready to come out and not a minute sooner! If she is not there, there are plenty of capable doctors at the hospital.
ReplyDelete